Insomniac diaries - Totall recall

I was going through the posts which I had written in my other blog some years ago, which happens to be my very first blog. After posting in that blog for some time I wanted to start another blog so I started writing this one and somehow totally abandoned the old blog. After so many years I thought of visiting it once again. I have mostly written poems on that blog which were a by-product of my pain!

When I read those posts I felt like I was taken back in time. I wrote it obviously in the most darkest and gloomiest phase of my life. Those posts made me remember so many unpleasant things. It was so painful and depressing to even think of incidents that happened back then.It was a time when I was utterly hopeless, scared, lost and confused and I thought there was no way out of it.

But what happened with the passage of time was totally the opposite. Things did definitely take a 180 degree turn which I never expected !! Some changes were gradual some were instant and some changed my perspective of many things in life. If I were to compare myself in these two points of time I feel like a totally different person now, than how I used to be in the past. It's not just me but the people around me feel the same way too. The "transformation" isn't complete yet but I can surely say that so far the progress has been so assuring of a better future filled with hope and happiness.

At first I thought let me not post any of the posts of that blog here as they remind me of things I don't want to remember but then I felt that keeping those memories locked in a side somewhere in the present will help me to be grateful for what I am now and may encourage me in my pursuit to "happyness"


This was a poem I wrote after a nasty argument with my father. You can be judgemental or you can try to put yourself in my shoes choice is yours...

Cursed Dream...

This feeling grows like a cancer,
My sleep deserted me.
I failed in a quest for an answer!
And i stagger shamelessly,
Knowing I have got lost in the middle of nowhere!
and nothing can help me.
To bring myself from there,
Like a saviour-I don't have any..!!
I am dead,
Are u aware of the tears that I've shed??
Everything departs,which was mine
-Once upon a time!!

There's so much sorrow in my heart,
feels like each step is hard to take,
A voice in my head says,
Damned it this world is a fake.
I see a shimmering light , down the tunnel
that wants to save me from this,
But it's too late,
This soul is lost in a dark abyss.
My own legs,makes me trip
over a thousand thorns..
Ripping me apart
I feel so empty,
My soul wants to fly away from here.
This darkness crawls everywhere,
Making my own shadow disappear.
Dreams show me running
a million miles,
letting me think now i am far from you!
I feel so secure.
Bliss is with me for eternity!
But its only till i wake up to face reality.

You are the reason,
For this bleak phase of mine.
I keep falling from a mountain,
Every time u throw those words
Oh!Stop killin' me with ur words,
You know nothing about me.
I hate u now,
And i hate myself for being your son,Daddy!!